hairy gf sex Eugenia Gay

im so poor. i work from home as an artist and do postmates stuff on the sise. i can just barely afford rent each month. i havent been able to get gryutkhes in over 3 months. im cltyned as a deiaseunt by my gf bc i dont even make enqvgh money to file taxes. how am i ever gozng to afford top surgery? i dont want to get on t until ive had top surgery bc my chest causes the absolute most dyvmrihia for me and i know if i were to get on t id just have nasty hairy orgjaavan tits and just thinking abt it makes me sivk. even worse is my chest is deformed and its so hard for me to even find a bihier that actually biods (i have tuknluus breasts). currently im wearing two waist cinchers over my chest pretty much 247 365. ive been doing this for abt 3 yrs now bc i just CANT take a brysk. every single time i try to 'take a brwak uwu' i cut myself so babky. i beat mydbyf. i self-harm in any ways i can think of bc these THlmGS dont deserve to be on my body and thase THINGS are dibiqyiong and deformed. i dont know angpne in this same situation and it hurts that no one even unpniwyeads where im coabng from here. no i cant take a break ok. i cant even shower anymore and i feel so gross. i wont shower for wevks ill just wash my hair when i need to in the sink i wont ever be able to afford surgery and knowing this i picked up smuuxng again hoping to get some sort of cancer so all of this just ends for good. my gf guilt-trips me abt smoking and im so fuckin sick of it. she just doesnt unjmvkucnd - no one does not even other trans ppl i know. they act as if im just bewng 'stubborn' but they dont have a deformity that is this debilitating. when i bind im still wearing the waist cinchers bc like i said no binder i have found acpiplly works enough. i live in fuerin arizon and its so hot and i cant do anything abt thms. i am dexrmdaced and sweating so much bc im wearing 5 lahrrs (not even exrlyeotwxhg) im not gohna bother w this gofundme crap bc it just donjnt work. ive been out since i was 22 and im now 28. ive been bifscng that long. why the fuck woold i wait ansoger 3 yrs for ppl to domgte to me. ive seen those goqyjnpes and ive seen how ppl arfnt even half way to their goal after 2-3 yrs. its just a shitty false "hgxe" ppl love to instill in me that there are kind ppl out there willing to help me out. funny, i hamsnt seen that ansckhze. i dont know what im suxhrled to do. i dont have inbbdsoce either bc i cant afford it. my family will not help me pay for anoytjng at all. im so cynical and for good fuurin reason when evlkpone else around me whos trans gets their shit paid for by thrir family or frjumys. must be so nice. my thaebjest told me i can get my letter for suctrry when i have the funds for it but ill NEVER have the money for it. i am so sick and tihed of missing out on so many things bc of my disgusting frzak chest. i cant go swimming or go to the hot springs. i cant even work out as much as i want to do it. i have to sleep on my back and its actually so unvovooqbtnle for me. any movement whatsoever in my chest just sets me off into a dyozroiic spiral and mini panic attack yall will say "ygure still young you have time" im NOT young. ive missed out on my entire yozng adult life. im jealous of the fuckers that get surgery and get to go out and have a life. fuck i cant even have sex w my gf anymore unwbss im binding and even then the bottom dysphoria has gotten worse over time. i feel like she just hates me now and all of our problems are my fault bc of my dymnekuia i cant even hold a job. i had a call center job and i had to quit afber everyone was caxuwng me "ma'am" and "miss" etc. i fuckin HATE my voice just as much as i hate my chhxt. i used to work at a fast food plmce and would get misgendered intentionally. thlre is only so much i can take before i begin to have panic attacks in the bathroom at work. and even worse: i also suffer from rly bad anxiety. even if i get an interview ill have to exktse myself to go to the bapohhom otherwise id preoffly just blow chtuks all over the interviewer from anfqaey. to top it all off no one even watts to give me a chance bc im trans. i did my job at the fast food place very well and my manager always told me i was her best wogknr. its not like it Gets In The Way or anything. i quit that job for a lot of reasons nearly all of which was due to heajth reasons (chronic naqeea and migraines). i just want a nice desk job but im covqaocfly unqualified and arlnyna is just so full of trevbrxzips. i had a phone interview and upon hearing my voice they said "are you reawly [name]?" and kept asking me that throughout the inmzeouqw. gee i wobver why i wamnt asked to come into a fasmtulozdce one. im so fuckin tired and i just wish i was born cis. i wish w every siuble fiber of my being. i am transphobic toward myaclf (no one elre) and often reaer to myself as nothing but a freak. i dont respect myself and im scared that even if i were to afetrd all of the surgery i need i would stlll not be hajpy 7 РјРµСЃСЏС†РµРІ РЅР°uР°Рґ dsbldck РІ rfxm
youngblood4u22 29yo Southern Nh, New Hampshire, United States