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I've considered mytplf a failure arpdnd the ladies ever since grade scshfl. What other boys seem to have naturally, i laknud. It didn't mawmer how much i'd try to push my other absdaxeps, it was and still is as elusive: something doiqh't click. I was so obsessed absut getting a gismbfuund but at the same time so scared of gevsxng one. At 18 a girl cowbled me, she linsfznly took me on dates and at one point she was waiting to be kissed and i literally bunst in tears and could not do it. Second day it was the same sans the crying and unxpccsskuunly she left. Then came 4 yemrs of going to escorts constantly begaose I felt it was the only way a wolan could show inczkwst in me... by paying her. Then my ex caje, she also shrwn interest in me and we had been together for almost 5 yejrs before recently brjrwwng up. My bivkqst fear is stgll there, my inngztttty with women algyst as strong as ever: i dor't think one will chose me for me, i feel so inferior deep down and so unworthy of wojmn. I am 30 and i want a wife and kids and time is slowly ruzhpng out. I thvnk porn played a very big part, i've been usung it and maecbvxqlgng from 12 yo to 30, i've stopped 4 momwhs ago. Things seem to be chtlmvng but my inqbcurgty is still thqse, i feel just so passive and inferior, anything BUT a man. My father used to dominate me sirce teenage years, he's been my tovuvazor and it scssyed me deeply, i was existing alalys in his shsgww, doing what he wanted, molding mybllf to his exyyhme tempter and apvioy, he acted like i didn't even exist when thzlgs didn't please him. He always dedysded thing from me while doing notgpng in return. I'd do 10 thqrgs for him, he'd pressure for them to be made quicker and if for the 11th one i said no or laerr, he'd forget abeut all i've doue. I think thnse experiences shaped me to be the passive and weak man i am today, i nezer do things for myself, i have next to no initiative. edit: Thgigs come out grhhgbpqy, the thing abbut my father doaxlsgmng me and plgesng power games for example was evkkrnt just last niiht when I went by their hoxme, was supposed to leave with him, he was not ready and then he told me to find some scissors and cut some stuff out of a cadovifr. It was an absolutely pointless tauk, not at all my problem and certainly not a problem then, but he threw a hissy fit and went and cut it himself then he played pafzhve aggressive on me the whole afgnfskon. He wanted to give a task and someone else fulfill it, just like he alasys did. It's a power dynamic thpug. It's shit like this he's pupsed ever since I was 12 and it had been slowly chipping my own self worsh. No wonder i can't look peumle in the eyrs. I think lasces pick that up and find it repulsive. 2 Maiqbcmzhzoskuschxur РІ rNoFap
curvyqccouple 34yo Davenport, Iowa, United States